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A Cleansing In Africa

So, less than three weeks to go. I feel a little anxiety coming on. But anticipation is greater in this case.

 When Jess and I talked about our reasons in wanting to go to Africa, we both agreed that a large part of why we wanted to go was to become refreshed in our idealism about our jobs. As nurses, we don't necessarily always agree with what happens in the hospital. We don't always agree with the decisions about care that are made, the decisions about patients and treatments. I have to remind myself sometimes that it isn't me that makes these decisions, and of course it's always different looking at the situation from a professional perspective in comparison to a personal one. It's always different as a health care worker, in the inside, seeing what happens, seeing what drugs and treatments and machines do to patients, thinking to myself that I would do it differently if I were making the decisions. It would be different if I were looking at a family member. It's a continuous dilemma for healthcare workers, at least those who still want to think about it.

Having said that, I feel that it is important that I have a clear mind about what I do. I want to look at each patient in a fresh sense, not havng a collective of feelings about issues that don't pertain to that patient, that have built up from several situations where I had clashing feelings. It's essential to be open-minded, nonjudgmental, and I feel that my year and a half in nursing has really brought this criteria to my attention, being around some folks who are a little bitter, and seeing the temptation myself.

Probably more so for Jess (as a PICU nurse) than myself, there is this continuous spector of lawsuits that hangs around like a foul pallor. All it takes is an angry family and an emotionally difficult situation, throw in some helplessness and sickness, and the next thing a nurse knows, they're being sued. It's a situation that can haunt a nurse the rest of their careers, because being named in a lawsuit, especially one that the family wins, is never erased from a nurse's record. There are few jobs in the world where you can work so hard, try so hard, have so much to know and be proficient at, do everything possible to help and comfort and heal, and still have somebody looking for a scapegoat ruin your career.

Hence, a cleansing in Africa. Jess and I want to obtain a fresh perspective on our professions in general. I think that I have this idea in my head, this picture of a crowd of people, so thankful for any kind of care they might get, to have real gratitude expressed. I imagine these people, needing so much but having so little available, having such desparation for the smallest parts of medical care, and for the first time, I might have some skills that could help someone. As a friend who just returned from a trip to Ghana told me, rather than having too much being done for each person, there is so little that can be done for the masses. There's such a sadness in that, but then the satisfaction in knowing that perhaps you can help one person, or a few. That would be enough.

I'm glad that I will have someone to share this experience, because I can see that it could easily be overwhelming. On the other hand, that's what I'm looking for, to have this experience give me a good scrubbing.

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Comments

Aaron,

That is very exciting about what you are going to go do in Africa. Good luck with everything and I'll keep an eye on your website for details!

~Hollie

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